When our kids get older, it becomes harder and harder to connect with them.  But as parents, it’s especially important for us to continue to put in the extra effort it takes to cultivate relationships with our tweens and teens.  Check out my top ten ideas for engaging your teen in activities you’ll both enjoy:

Learn a new skill as a team.  Decide together what you’d like to learn and go for it.  Cooking, photography, music, and art classes are regular offerings in most communities.  Or learn how to kayak, play golf, or tennis.  Really feeling adventurous?  Learn a foreign language together!   

Play a game.  Sure traditional board games are great, but teens are hooked on their electronics and there are lots of fun games that you can enjoy with them.  For instance, play a game of ‘Words With Friends’ on your smart phones.  Start a two player game on a tablet.  Even see what those video games of theirs are all about.  I promise, it will be fun!   

Complete a project.  If you’re like me, then you probably have a lot of projects around your house that need completing!  Whether you wash the cars, paint a room, or work in the yard together, there’s a lot of satisfaction (and bonding) that comes from finishing a project together.  Or pick a DIY Pinterest inspired activity or craft and work with your teen to get it completed.

Share your hobbies.  Think about the things you like to do.  Now share those interests with your kids.  It could be taking them to your painting class, letting them make a scrapbook with you, or bringing them along to set up your fantasy football team. 

Learn about their hobbies too.  Have them play some of their favorite music for you and tell you about why they like it.  Watch a movie they love together.  Then let them tell you about their other interests and see where you can find common ground. 

Have them teach you.  Are you lost when it comes to social media?  When someone asks you to upload or download something do you even know what they are talking about?  Well, guess what?  You teen knows all these things.  Have them give you some tutorials.  You’ll know more and be impressed with how technologically savvy they are!

Plan a trip.  Get your teens help planning your next family vacation or a day trip for just the two of you.  They can get involved with finding a hotel room, getting directions, scheduling activities, and learning about the place you’ll be visiting. 

Schedule a date.  Get their opinion on what they’d like to do and schedule some time together to make it happen.  And don’t worry, your date doesn’t have to cost a lot!  Get creative and look at what’s being offered in your community that you can both enjoy.  Or take your hammocks to the park and just relax.  

Get moving.  A great way to connect with your teen is to exercise together.  You can go for a walk, run, or bike ride or work out together at the gym.  Participating in an organized race will also be an experience you will both enjoy, such as a 5K, color (see picture!) run, or mud run. 

Volunteer.  Last but not least, volunteer your time together.  From mission trips to a morning at the local food pantry, there are ample opportunities for you and your teen to help others.  Look at the options in your community and decide together where you’d like to help.

What do you and your teen like to do together?   For more tips on this topic, check out my post Quality Time With Teens.

Sometimes I feel like I’m talking to myself when I give them an instruction.  But there are a lot of strategies we can use to get our children to comply with our requests.  Try implementing a handful of these tips consistently, and you’ll see an improvement in no time:

Look your child in the eye when you’re giving them a direction.  Just like us, our kids sometimes are so engrossed with the computer, a book, a video game, or a television show that they might not listen to us fully when we interrupt them.  Call your child’s name and make sure that you have their attention when you issue your command.  One of the best ways to guarantee that is to make eye contact.  And by the way, this works with husbands too!

Ask your child to repeat the instruction back to you.  If you want to make sure that they heard what you said to them, ask them to repeat it.  If you said, “Take out the trash” and they repeat back to you “Give me some cash” then you’ve not communicated your message too well now have you?  Also, just the act of saying the direction out loud will help them remember it (rather than getting distracted and forgetting along the way).

Break your instructions down into simple one-step actions.  Instead of saying “Clean your room,” try saying “Make your bed” or “Put your toys in your toy box.”  You might end up having to issue more commands by breaking your instructions down in this way, but your child will be more successful in accomplishing the goals you put forth for them.

Be specific about what you want your child to do.  Sometimes our kids don’t listen to us because they don’t know what action is required by our words.  So instead of saying “Mommy is having a mental breakdown” try saying “Play quietly in your room.”  Be as specific as possible with what you expect of them so they’ll have a better chance of knowing exactly what you want them to do.

Phrase your command as a statement, not a question.  If you expect your child to do something, then you need to state it as a fact.  You don’t have to be to stern, but in a matter of fact voice, state what you expect them to do.  For instance, if you ask them “Will you unload the dishwasher,” then they might just say no!  If given the choice, who wouldn’t say no?  Instead, simply state “Unload the dishwasher.”

Don’t use the word “let’s” in your directions.  If you say “Let’s brush your teeth,” then that sounds like you and your child are about to go brush their teeth.  Like you, the parent, are actually going to be involved in the tooth brushing process.  Now if you have a toddler that’s one thing, but if your child is capable of brushing their teeth on their own, then you would be better off saying “Go brush your teeth” and then let them complete the task independently.

Remember that you are not obligated to give a rationale for your commands.   Moms more than dads have a hard time with this one.  When you are giving your child an instruction, just present it to them simply.  You do not have to provide a dissertation of evidence as to why what you’re asking is reasonable.  Just give your instruction and let them follow it.  When you try to provide reasoning, more than likely you’ll just end up distracting them from what they were supposed to be doing in the first place.  For example, if you say “Make your bed,” then your child will probably make their bed.  If you say “Make your bed because we’re going to the movie, and I want your room to be clean before we leave so that when we get home we don’t have any chores left to finish,” then you lost them way back at “movie.”  I can just about promise that they will have forgotten the original request to make their bed!

Tell them what you want them to do, not what you don’t want them to do.  This one is tough for me, and I bet it might be for you too!  I find myself all the time saying “Don’t fight with your sister.”  Giving instructions though is all about telling them what to do, not what NOT to do.  So instead of my typical don’t, try saying “Play Candyland with your sister.”

Be prepared to follow through if they don’t comply.  Whenever you give an instruction or command, you need to be ready to follow up immediately and make sure that your child is complying.   If they don’t comply within a reasonable amount of time, be prepared to issue the instruction again with a warning of the consequence for noncompliance.

Praise.  When they do comply with your command, be sure to give them verbal praise.  You can say something like, “Great job picking up your Legos” or “Thanks for helping sort the laundry.”  You don’t have to go over the top or anything with fireworks or cash, but it’s important to acknowledge that you know that they completed the task and that you are proud of them for doing so.

]]> https://childpsychmom.com/how-to-give-kids-effective-commands/feed/ 2 https://childpsychmom.com/fight-for-your-family-dinners/ https://childpsychmom.com/fight-for-your-family-dinners/#comments Wed, 08 Jun 2011 00:39:32 +0000 http://childpsychmom.com/?p=1515 These days it seems almost impossible to gather our family around the kitchen table for dinner.  Between soccer practice, dance, work, and the rest that life throws at us, I’ll be the first to admit that dinner is often at the bottom of a very long to-do list at our house.

Despite that, our family makes an effort to eat together at least a few nights a week.  The food may not always be homemade or perfect, but it’s the quality time that we share around the table that makes it all worthwhile.

Studies have found lots of compelling reasons why we should all make the family dinner hour a priority.  Children of families who eat dinner together regularly are less likely to have problems with drugs and alcohol as teens.  They are more likely to get better grades.  They have improved scores in language and literacy.  Even when the families themselves are “dysfunctional,” regular family meals with quality conversation and dialogue corresponds to positive outcomes in many important areas.

At my house, here’s how we try to make family dinners a success:

1. All of us need to be there.  That’s not always possible of course, but when we can, we try to all make it a priority to sit down and eat together.
2. Everyone eats the same meal.  I have a picky eater.  I won’t name any names, but he knows who he is.  He’s 14 and has food likes (and dislikes) that continue to astound me.  But at dinner, everyone gets the same meal.  This mom is not a short order cook.  I did that for too many years and it didn’t help a thing.  If they’re hungry, then they’ll eat what’s in front of them.  There is no danger of any of my kids starving anytime soon, so don’t worry!
3. Sit at the table.  We don’t eat every meal at the kitchen table.  There are times we might even eat in the den (GASP!).  But when we are having a family dinner, we eat at the table.
4. Always say the blessing.  My kids like to say our blessing every night.  For the past few months, our 3 year old has been in charge of our dinner time prayer.  Here’s what she says, “God is great, God is good, let us thank him for our food.  By his hand we all are DEAD, that you Lord for our daily bread.  Amen.”  Of course, the whole table bursts into laughter, and the older three children try to teach her the important distinction between DEAD and FED.  One day she’ll learn, but until then I’m kind of enjoying her rendition.
5. No cell phones, iPods, computers, Kindles, or iPads at the table.  I like my technology.  But it needs to be somewhere besides the kitchen table.  Put them on the counter, in the bedroom, your purse, wherever.  There is no need to check you email during dinner.  Facebook status updates can wait!
6. Turn off the television.  We have a lot of televisions in our house.  More than I’d like to admit.  One of them is in the kitchen.  We watch it sometimes, but try to keep it turned off during dinner.  A few times a year we might make an exception for some extra special program.  But we’ve learned from experience that if the tv is on, there’s one thing we’re not doing and that’s talking!
7. Talk.  This is my favorite one.  We have a family ritual to get everyone talking at the table.  We go around to each member of the family and ask “How was your day today?”  And this mom requires more than “fine” as the answer!  We like to hear about their activities of the day, the best part of their day, and the worst.  Each family member (including mom and dad) takes center stage and the kids LOVE it.  Don’t get me wrong, we still have normal conversations, but this activity never fails to get each child involved.
8. Don’t get up.  If your kids are anything like mine, then they have a hard time sitting still at the dinner table.  It never ceases to amaze me how many times they get up during dinner.  My husband and I spend a lot of time saying “sit down” during dinner.  A LOT!
9. No dessert until we’re all through.  My kids like their dessert.  I don’t mind letting them have a small one if they’ve eaten their dinner.  But I don’t want them to start tearing into their dessert while their other siblings are still finishing their dinner.  Who would want to eat their green beans while their sister is eating a cookie?  It’s just not right!
10. That’s enough from me! What makes your family dinners a hit?  Comment below and let us know what works for you.  Who knows, your tip might be just the thing that will help another family start a mealtime tradition that they’ll cherish forever.

Now, I’d better sign off and fix some dinner!

Even though my hometown of Auburn, Alabama was spared during the storms that day, my heart aches for the losses that were suffered across our region.  I, like you, long for the day that these communities are rebuilt, while at the same time feel an incredible sense of grief for the people that cannot be brought back.

With a tragedy of this magnitude and the constant stream of media coverage about the devastation, there has been an amazing response to help from all across our country (and the world).  From donations of money, time, and products, to prayers, family sponsorships, and town adoptions, the outpouring of support has been incredible to witness.

I’ve always believed that one of my responsibilities as a parent it to teach my children how to help others.  To be caring.  To be altruistic.  To love your neighbor as yourself.  I can think of no better opportunity than this to teach our children how to help during this incredible time of need.  Try one of these ideas to involve your child with your volunteerism.  Like me, you’ll be glad you did!

1. In many areas, there is an overwhelming need for bottled water, canned food, or baby supplies.  Tarps and ponchos make a great donation item, too, so that those in the disaster area can have cover when it rains.  Take your kids to the store with you and purchase some of these items.  Let your kids choose the products (with your guidance).  Include some things that are kid friendly, since it will help your kiddos to remember that some of the people in need are kids just like them.  My kids had a great time picking out flavored drink mix-ins for bottled water to include with our donation.
2. Pick out some slightly used or new clothes to donate.  Kids and adult sizes are needed, but be sure to only donate summer clothes.  It’s hot here in Alabama already, no jackets required!   Don’t forget shoes, underwear, and socks.  Have your child go through their closet with you and pick out any outgrown or extra clothes that would help a child who is in need.
3. Donate money to the Red Cross, United Way, Salvation Army or another reputable charity organization to benefit the tornado victims.  Ask your child how much they would like to contribute out of “their” money.  If they don’t have any money, help them figure out some safe ways to raise some funds.  They could do extra household chores in exchange for some extra allowance or could set up a lemonade stand in your front yard.  Get creative, there are all sorts of ways for kids to safely raise some money with parental supervision!
4. Deliver items to be donated with your kids to a dedicated drop-off site.  This will allow your children to see the bigger picture of the donation process.  We took our donations to a truck that was literally going to drive off as soon as it was filled to Tuscaloosa, Alabama.  The kids were even able to get on the truck and load our donations.  That’s something they won’t soon forget!
5. Find some ways to volunteer your time as a family.  The actual clean up process may not always be a kid friendly zone, but there are plenty of behind the scenes activities that school aged kids can get involved in.  One of the biggest jobs for donation sites is sorting the donations before they are shipped off.  Separating baby items from canned goods and arranging clothes by sizes are all tasks that older children can participate in with the help of their mom and dad.
6. Collect boxes from around your town and flatten them with your kids.  Deliver them to a donation site and they will use them to pack items or they’ll send them to the disaster area for use there.  Boxes are always needed!  If you don’t want to flatten boxes, plastic tubs are also always useful!
7. Make a personal hygiene kit with your kids.  Check out the instructions for assembly and visit your local dollar store to get all the supplies you need with your kids.  Then have your children help with the assembly.  Just like following a recipe!
8. Pack a shoebox full of fun.  At Christmas, we’ve helped shoeboxes go around the world with Operation Christmas Child.  This same concept can be used during disasters.  Get a plastic shoebox and fill it with treats for kids.  Coloring books, crayons, a flashlight, hairbrush, toy car, book, or stuffed animal.  Imagine the delight that a child who has lost everything would receive from opening up the shoe box created by you and your child.  Encourage your child to draw a picture or write a note to the recipient of your box.
9. Prepare a treat for some of your local volunteers.  Cookies, candy, energy bars, cold bottled water.  Get together some fun treats and go visit a donation site in your area.  Even if you can’t stay and help at that moment, you and your kids can help by thanking volunteers for their efforts!
10. And last but not least, encourage your children to pray for the victims of the tornadoes.  Our prayers and support are needed now more than ever and our children are just as capable of helping as we are, in their own special kid way!

For the latest details on how you can help visit Alabama Possible or Toomer’s for Tuscaloosa.  Do you have an idea of how to get kids involved with helping tornado victims?  Share it with us.  We’d love to hear your ideas!

1.  I put my phone away from my bed on a bookcase so that I did not go to bed and wake up looking at it. Who cares if Kroger and Amazon sent me emails while I slept?

2.  I can watch Dancing with the Stars or make lunches after my kids are in bed. I stay up until midnight almost every night – after their bedtime has now become the time for these non-child related activities. The world is now open for business almost all 24 hours a day. I am trying to train my brain to get out of the 5pm work hour old school train of thought. I can do almost anything I need to do all day and all night long EXCEPT for spend time with my children!

3.  I’ve been trying to either log off my laptop or close it when I’m done. Just seeing it closed reminds me that I’m not supposed to spending so much time on it!

4.  Before my daughter can use anything with an engine, I have her make the mile and a half trip around the lake on her bike with me. She sees it as me playing with her, but I see it as bonding and a bit of physical activity. Yesterday, we rode our bikes and stopped and talked. She would “trick” me in to thinking she was resting when she really was trying to get a head start on racing me around the lake. When we were done with our bikes, we then took the 4-wheelers out, headed to the lake and fished until it was time for dinner.

5.  Here is what I’ve started doing…I have changed the power configuration on my computer so that it shuts off at night. Because it takes it so long to start back up, 75% of the time I just forget about turning it back on. Truth is, I haven’t missed it. Sitting in my office for a “quick” check of news and what celebrities are doing usually turns into 30 minutes. Not anymore!!!

6.  This week I left my cell phone in the car or in the kitchen on the charger. I have been very aware about answering my phone in the car and placing calls. I hate to say it, but I did text while sitting at red light and occasionally at stop signs. Well, no more! I am seriously trying not to text so much.

7.  My focused moms STICKER is on my planner (yes I am old school and still use a paper calendar – full 8 & 1/2 x 11 size too!). But every time I opened it this week I saw that FIRST thing and it refocused me on how important and limited my time is with my boys!

8.  When I went to my oldest son’s baseball game – instead of sitting on the bleachers with the other moms and constantly chasing my 4-year old around, I took a blanket and had a picnic with him and sat with him and taught him a few baseball rules & shared an apple. It was lovely!

9.  I had a good week. Started off by shutting down my computer each time I used it…then putting the computer away as opposed to just leaving it easily accessible. That has really made a difference. I am not saying that I didn’t fall back once or twice or seven or eight times, but it’s a start, right?

10.  I didn’t bury my Kindle … couldn’t do it, I NEED it!! But, I did give myself a list of “restrictions” that worked very well for me.  For example, I will not be reading my Kindle when my children get off the bus from school; I cannot sit down to read if my dishes are dirty or my house is a wreck; I will not read if dinner has not been planned/cooked (& I cooked dinner 5 nights this week~I don’t know how Zaxbys will stay in business); I will not read while helping my children with homework or studying; While reading, I will never again “just a minute” my children so that I can finish the sentence/page/paragraph (the handy thing about a Kindle is you can leave it and it keeps your place for you!!!); If my children/husband come into the room, I put the Kindle away; I will try not to ever miss an opportunity to spend time with my children just to find out what happens next in a James Patterson book!

If you’ve got an idea that helps keep you focused, feel free to comment. We love hearing what works for other Focused Moms!

It turns out that Vicki is a best selling author and speaker with a focus on raising spiritual kids in our challenging culture.  I couldn’t help but laugh (several times in fact) as the day progressed because much of what Vicki was talking with the participants about was how overwhelming all of the electronic influences of our culture can be on teens (and moms).  There were many times that I thought she would make one impressive member of our Focused Moms Challenge!

Here are some of my notes from what she talked about to moms and daughters in churches all across the country via simulcast.  Let’s see what you think.  I’ll bet like me you’ll find that Vicki has some pretty good ideas about getting focused on the things that matter most!

1. There is too much noise in our lives clamoring for our attention.
2. It’s okay to have bumps in the road.  They make for good teaching moments.
3. Know when to unplug and reconnect with what matters.
4. You aren’t perfect.  Your kids aren’t either.
5. Don’t compare yourself to other moms.  Everyone has different gifts and talents.
6. We have too many choices that overwhelm us.  Think 87,000 Starbucks espresso combinations.
7. There is no perfect parenting formula.
8. We all need to learn to self-monitor.
9. Two steps forward and one step back is still progress.
10. And my favorite, we could all use “More of _____ and less of _____.”  Fill in your own blanks.

For more information on Vicki Courtney and her ministry, visit her at www.VickiCourtney.com.

In our Week One Focused Moms Challenge that kicked off yesterday, one of the steps I suggested was figuring out ways to make your distractions harder to access.  Remember, this week we’re not really focusing on our time with our children (that will come in weeks two, three, and four).  Instead, we’re looking more at the distractions in our environment and how we can better control them.

Consider for a moment that your distractions  are like a credit card.  One creative technique for keeping impulse credit card buys under control is to freeze your credit card in a cup of water.  Then if you want to buy something, it’ll take you some time to thaw it out and ideally you’d spend that time deciding if the purchase is really worth it.

Of course, my favorite financial adviser Dave Ramsey would tell us just to cut up the stinking credit card!  But for this challenge, we’re going to find a happy medium.  Somewhere between freezing the credit card and cutting it to shreds lies a much more doable approach for gaining control over our distractions!

I think my grandmother actually had the right idea.  She kept her impulse shopping money in her safety deposit box at the bank.  If there was something she really wanted, she had to drive to the bank, go inside, have the teller escort her to her box, and then pull out her cash.  She put up a few barriers up so that she had to really think about her purchase before making it.

So today we’re going to use some of Grandma’s common sense partnered with the advances of modern technology to help us put this idea into practice!  Here are my top ten tips for keeping your distractions more out of reach, giving you a few seconds to think about our number one question for the week “Is what I’m about to do here helping me reach my goal of being a more focused parent?”

1. When driving, keep your cell phone in your purse or glove compartment.  Pulling out our phones to talk on while driving has become as routine as turning the key to start the engine.  Keep it out of sight and harder to access while you’re in the car, and you’ll be less tempted to talk on it and more likely to talk to your precious passengers!
2. Don’t save your passwords on your computer so that you can automatically log in to your distractions.  Make yourself have to log into Facebook, Twitter, email, etc. by typing in your password each and every time you use it.  When you’re done with a session, LOG OUT!  Just the few seconds that it takes to log in might be enough to keep you from choosing computer time over kid time.
3. If your distraction is an item, like your Kindle or your iPad, put it away after you’ve finished using it.  Go attach it to the charger or something, just don’t leave it sitting around near you tempting you to come back to it.
4. For most people, you don’t really need to keep your cell phone on your belt or in your pocket at all times.  You can put it on the kitchen counter or leave it in your purse.  When you keep it on your person then you’re much more likely to mindlessly get lost in it when you have a spare minute (for example, when you should be paying attention to the kids that you’re bathing or feeding).
5. Don’t leave your television running all day long.  If you’ve watched your program, then turn it off.  You’ll be a lot less likely to get wrapped up in a show if you didn’t even know it was on in the first place!
6. Try setting your cell phone to vibrate instead of letting it ring.  Then you won’t be as likely to get distracted by phone calls or texts during quality time with your kids.  You’ll be able instead to return your phone messages and texts when the kiddos go to bed.
7. Turn off your computer.  Not for good, just when you’re done using it!  We used to have to shut down and restart our computers every time we used them.  Now they just stay open and running 24 hours a day, making it really easy for us to sit down for just a minute and end up sucked in for at least an hour!  Instead, turn them off when you’re not sitting at them so that you have to make a conscious decision to turn them back on.
8. Keep a pad of paper by your computer.  Whenever you catch yourself wanting to log on for just a minute, try keeping a daily list of what you wanted to do online instead.  Then come back when you have time for a longer computer session (after you get the kids on the bus, before they wake up, or after they’re in bed) and check off your online to do list!
9. Don’t use short cuts on your cell phone, desktop, laptop, iPad, etc.  I know that seems to go against our better judgment! But I guarantee that if you make yourself go to the trouble of typing in the address of the site you want to go to or make yourself locate the document you want to work on in a folder instead of just pushing a shortcut button, then you’ll be a lot less likely to indulge mindlessly!
10. And if none of those work for you then you might just want to seriously consider burying your Kindle in your backyard.

Don’t forget to keep working on our three steps for this week (Admit you have a problem, Plaster yourself with Mr. Yuk stickers, and Bury your Kindle in your backyard) and get ready to share your pictures, comments, and blog posts about your successes and struggles from Week One this Friday!

1.  When I’m not on my phone I hardly ever say “In a minute” to my kids.

2.  The world does not come to a complete standstill when I don’t return my emails within the hour that they were delivered to my inbox.

3.  It’s okay that I don’t know the facebook statuses of my friends at all times.  If one of them has an emergency status update, they’ll text me or call me if I really need to know about it.

4. Engaging with the people around me is much more rewarding than typing an email on a mini-QWERTY keyboard.

5.  I’m a lot more likely to notice that my potty training toddler actually needs to go to the potty when I’m not looking at my smart phone!

6.  Birds are chirping, flowers are blooming, children are playing, people are laughing, and some are even crying.  When my head is in my phone, it’s not at all paying attention to what’s going on in the world around me.  But when my phone is put away, I do a much better job of  taking part in life.

7.  I look at my phone a lot more during the day than I really need to.  Sort of like when I counted calories for the first time and realized that I was consuming a lot more than I thought (or even needed)!

8.  Sitting down at the computer or opening up my ipad a few times a day is a lot less time consuming and distracting than keeping up with my emails throughout the day on my phone.  Who knew?

9.  Many more people than I realized walk through life with their head buried in their cell phone.  I only became more aware of this phenomenon once I got my head out of mine, but it’s astounding to see.  Spend a few hours around your town counting how many people are plugged into their phones, and you’ll be as shocked as I was.

10.  My children deserve my undivided attention.  When I’m multi-tasking my day away with my smart phone in hand then I’m more than likely not giving any measurable attention to them!  And that’s the most valuable lesson I’ve learned.

If you’d like to learn more about how you can become less distracted and more focused in your parenting, join the Focused Moms Challenge.

]]> https://childpsychmom.com/five-days-without-my-smart-phone/feed/ 11 https://childpsychmom.com/scrapbookers-paradise/ https://childpsychmom.com/scrapbookers-paradise/#comments Wed, 09 Mar 2011 02:00:46 +0000 http://childpsychmom.com/?p=874 This weekend I went on the ultimate girls’ getaway.  I’m sure you’re thinking I went on a cruise or to the beach or maybe even Las Vegas.  Nope!  My ultimate getaway was to Petticoat Junction in Normandy, Tennessee.  It’s a bed and breakfast designed just for girls who love to scrapbook, and it was an unforgettable adventure.

Why did I love this trip so much, you might wonder?  Well, the t-shirt I got says “What happens at the Junction stays at the Junction,” but I’m willing to divulge a few of the things that made my trip extra special.  Here goes:

The House.  The bed and breakfast was built in 1892 and once served as a hotel for people traveling through Tennessee on the railroad.  While the train no longer stops here, you can see the tracks from the front porch (and hear it when it rolls by) and just imagine what life must have been like here 100+ years ago.  The home has been renovated to include all of the modern amenities, but it still has all the charm of a historic home.  It boasts four bedrooms and three and a half baths and comfortably sleeps fifteen.

The Cropping Room. The cropping room was perfect.  All fifteen of us had our own well lit work space that we used all weekend long.  There were all sorts of supplies already there, including a Cricut cutting system.  There was also a stereo system, television, and dvd player, along with a mini-fridge.  Since the room was upstairs, there was a motorized dumbwaiter on the balcony to haul all of our supplies upstairs!  And there was  a computer with a wireless color printer for those who were doing digital scrapbooking (plus wi-fi was available throughout the house if you had your laptop).

The Food. Given that this was a bed and breakfast, we were provided with yummy meals from Friday night through Sunday morning.  Snacks, soft drinks, and bottled water were also included.  We certainly were never hungry and there was always chocolate to be found!

The Spa. What’s a girls’ getaway without some spa treatment?  There were all sorts of spa services available, including manicures, pedicures, massages, and facials.  You do have to book these in advance and there is an extra fee of course.  But, the prices were very reasonable, and having the “spa” right there at the house was super convenient!

The bedrooms. Each bedroom was themed and decorated to match.  My room is pictured and was named “Girly Girls.”  Like mine, three of the guest rooms slept four and one slept three.  The decor was so well done that you truly felt that you had stepped back in time (but with all of the modern comforts we have grown accustomed to!).  All of the rooms were oversized and even with four ladies in our room we were very comfortable.

The Drive.  While we did have a five hour drive, it was beautiful!  And did I mention quiet?  With no kids in the car, my friend and I had a most peaceful drive to Normandy!  On the way there we drove through Lynchburg, Tennessee, the home of Jack Daniels Whiskey.  On the way home, our drive took us near Chattanooga.  It had rained hard while we were there and the mountains had waterfalls flowing from them at every turn.  Gorgeous!

The Cost. The price for this weekend getaway was a steal.  It cost $200 per person for Friday through Sunday including your food.  If you want to come on Thursday, which I did, you just pay $30 extra (although you have to bring your own food for that night).  You can’t stay at a hotel for that price, and it certainly wouldn’t include your food!

The Scrapbooking. I used to scrapbook all the time.  But the more children I had, the less time I had to devote to my hobby.  In scrapbooking language I was two and a half years behind.  That means the last thing I had scrapbooked was Halloween of 2008!  At home I never seem to be able to make the time to play catch up with my scrapbooking, so my supplies had begun to collect dust.  During this weekend, I was able to scrapbook to my hearts content and am excited to be involved again in one of my most cherished hobbies.

The Girls. There were fifteen of us there and we all had some connection, sort of like the six degrees of Kevin Bacon.  I had brought my best friend with me, and my sister and sister-in-law met us there.  Add to that eleven other women, and we had a BLAST!  No responsibilities, no men, no children.  We we were living large!  LOL!  We also were living without makeup, and no one cared!

The Memories. I laughed so hard I cried.  I heard life stories of love and of loss.  I connected with my sisters who live in another state.  I found friends that I hadn’t seen in more than 15 years (truly one of my sorority sisters from college was there!) and met new ones that I will never forget.  I relaxed.  I came home rejuvenated.  And that to me is priceless.

1.  Pick a good spot for time-out before you actually have to use it!  I prefer a hallway or a chair in the dining room, but really it depends on how your home is set up.  Try to make your spot be one that you can keep an eye on while they’re there, but not one that gets them into any more trouble.  Also, be sure they aren’t able to get any attention in their spot or get into anything fun!  Going to time-out should be a punishment not a good time!

2.  The length of time-out in minutes should be equal to your child’s age in years.  If they’re three, then they should be able to sit in time-out for three minutes.

3.  Before taking your child to time-out, tell them why they are going.  For example, “Since you threw your book across the room, you are going to have to sit in time-out.”  Or, “Because you didn’t pick up your toys when I asked, you are going to have to sit in time-out.”

4.  On your way to the time-out spot, don’t say or do anything else.  Ignore their attempts to apologize, whine, or cry their way out of it.  Just walk them there.

5.  Once you get to the time-out spot, tell them to sit down.  Once they are quietly in their spot, start keeping time.  Some people use a timer in the kitchen, just figure out what works best for you.

6.  Don’t talk to your child while they’re in time-out.  If they scream and cry, just ignore them!  Come on, you’re the parent, you can do it!  I’ll admit though that this is the hardest part for me.

7.  When the timer goes off, then go to your child and tell them that they need to follow your original direction.  For example, “Now, go pick up your toys” or “Now, pick up the book you threw and put it on the bookshelf.”

8.  If they don’t follow the directions again, then you just start over and put them in time out again.  The sequence continues until they follow the original instruction.  So, you might have to put them in time-out a few times, but eventually they’ll comply if you stick with the plan!  Once they do, feel free to offer them some praise.  Nothing over the top, a simple “Nice job picking up your toys” will do.

9.  It’s also important for the adult who put them in time-out to be the one that follows through with the entire sequence.  If Mom starts the time-out, then Mom should finish it.  Same for Dad.  Your kids need to know that if you start a punishment that you are capable of following through with it.

10.  And finally, time-out really works best when you’re able to do it right when the misbehavior occurs.  Yes, that means you may be at the park and have to put them in time-out on a bench or at a friend’s house and have to set up a time-out spot in their hallway.  But putting a child in time-out hours after an infraction usually doesn’t help in the long run.

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