Facebook is the most utilized social networking site world wide with more than 845 million users. The magic age for kids to be considered Facebook legal is 13. But of Facebook’s current users, an estimated 7.5 million are actually under the age of 13. Now more than ever parents need to arm themselves with information about how to keep their children safe on social media sites like Facebook that were designed for adults but are being used by kids. If your child (of any age) has a Facebook account, here are some tips to help keep them as safe as possible:

Talk openly about internet safety rules. Keeping the lines of communication open is one of the best ways parents can teach their children about staying safe online. Some basic guidelines include never giving your personal information online, never meeting someone in real life that you know only from the internet, and always telling your parents if something you have seen online makes you uncomfortable.

Know your child’s Facebook password. I know some of you might argue that this is like making your child give you the key to their diary. But their diary is hidden away in their bedroom. It is personal and only for them to read. What they say or do online can have a lasting impact on their reputation and their safety. Something they post or a picture they are tagged in could haunt them for the rest of their lives. It’s that simple. Let them keep the key to their diary, but if they’re on Facebook then as a parent you need to know their password.

Be their Facebook friend. Okay, so you’re their parent not their friend. I understand. But as a parent you need to know what’s going on in their lives. You need to monitor their online activity in the same way you’d keep an eye on what they do in real life. There’s no better way to do that than to be their friend on Facebook. You don’t need to comment on their status updates or pictures if they don’t want you to, but you can quietly observe their activities from your Facebook profile to help keep them safe.

Monitor their friend list. Instruct your kids that they are only allowed to be friends with people they actually know in real life. Then periodically monitor their friend list and make sure they haven’t befriended a total stranger.

Manage their privacy settings carefully. The goal of Facebook is to help people connect. To do that, Facebook prefers users to be as open as possible to make sharing easier. But kids need to be much more restrictive in their sharing than adults. To restrict their settings, log in as your child and go to Privacy Settings and then How You Connect. Choose options like “Friends Only” or “Friends of Friends” to minimize their exposure to complete strangers.

Facebook safety for kids (and parents) can be overwhelming. Believe me, I know! But parents today have to be diligent about it. Our kids are there, we’ve got to be, too.

1.  When I’m not on my phone I hardly ever say “In a minute” to my kids.

2.  The world does not come to a complete standstill when I don’t return my emails within the hour that they were delivered to my inbox.

3.  It’s okay that I don’t know the facebook statuses of my friends at all times.  If one of them has an emergency status update, they’ll text me or call me if I really need to know about it.

4. Engaging with the people around me is much more rewarding than typing an email on a mini-QWERTY keyboard.

5.  I’m a lot more likely to notice that my potty training toddler actually needs to go to the potty when I’m not looking at my smart phone!

6.  Birds are chirping, flowers are blooming, children are playing, people are laughing, and some are even crying.  When my head is in my phone, it’s not at all paying attention to what’s going on in the world around me.  But when my phone is put away, I do a much better job of  taking part in life.

7.  I look at my phone a lot more during the day than I really need to.  Sort of like when I counted calories for the first time and realized that I was consuming a lot more than I thought (or even needed)!

8.  Sitting down at the computer or opening up my ipad a few times a day is a lot less time consuming and distracting than keeping up with my emails throughout the day on my phone.  Who knew?

9.  Many more people than I realized walk through life with their head buried in their cell phone.  I only became more aware of this phenomenon once I got my head out of mine, but it’s astounding to see.  Spend a few hours around your town counting how many people are plugged into their phones, and you’ll be as shocked as I was.

10.  My children deserve my undivided attention.  When I’m multi-tasking my day away with my smart phone in hand then I’m more than likely not giving any measurable attention to them!  And that’s the most valuable lesson I’ve learned.

If you’d like to learn more about how you can become less distracted and more focused in your parenting, join the Focused Moms Challenge.

]]> https://childpsychmom.com/five-days-without-my-smart-phone/feed/ 11 https://childpsychmom.com/how-to-make-time-out-work-for-you/ https://childpsychmom.com/how-to-make-time-out-work-for-you/#comments Sat, 19 Feb 2011 16:11:24 +0000 http://childpsychmom.com/?p=792 In my opinion, time-out has gotten a bad rap.  Parents of this generation are often told to use it as a discipline method with their children, but rarely do they get instructions on how to do it correctly.  What happens is that they give time-out a try, it doesn’t work, and so they give up on it as a method for discipline.  But with a few basic instructions for parents, time-out can work and can be a great tool for disciplining your children!  Try these ten tips to help make time-out work for you:

1.  Pick a good spot for time-out before you actually have to use it!  I prefer a hallway or a chair in the dining room, but really it depends on how your home is set up.  Try to make your spot be one that you can keep an eye on while they’re there, but not one that gets them into any more trouble.  Also, be sure they aren’t able to get any attention in their spot or get into anything fun!  Going to time-out should be a punishment not a good time!

2.  The length of time-out in minutes should be equal to your child’s age in years.  If they’re three, then they should be able to sit in time-out for three minutes.

3.  Before taking your child to time-out, tell them why they are going.  For example, “Since you threw your book across the room, you are going to have to sit in time-out.”  Or, “Because you didn’t pick up your toys when I asked, you are going to have to sit in time-out.”

4.  On your way to the time-out spot, don’t say or do anything else.  Ignore their attempts to apologize, whine, or cry their way out of it.  Just walk them there.

5.  Once you get to the time-out spot, tell them to sit down.  Once they are quietly in their spot, start keeping time.  Some people use a timer in the kitchen, just figure out what works best for you.

6.  Don’t talk to your child while they’re in time-out.  If they scream and cry, just ignore them!  Come on, you’re the parent, you can do it!  I’ll admit though that this is the hardest part for me.

7.  When the timer goes off, then go to your child and tell them that they need to follow your original direction.  For example, “Now, go pick up your toys” or “Now, pick up the book you threw and put it on the bookshelf.”

8.  If they don’t follow the directions again, then you just start over and put them in time out again.  The sequence continues until they follow the original instruction.  So, you might have to put them in time-out a few times, but eventually they’ll comply if you stick with the plan!  Once they do, feel free to offer them some praise.  Nothing over the top, a simple “Nice job picking up your toys” will do.

9.  It’s also important for the adult who put them in time-out to be the one that follows through with the entire sequence.  If Mom starts the time-out, then Mom should finish it.  Same for Dad.  Your kids need to know that if you start a punishment that you are capable of following through with it.

10.  And finally, time-out really works best when you’re able to do it right when the misbehavior occurs.  Yes, that means you may be at the park and have to put them in time-out on a bench or at a friend’s house and have to set up a time-out spot in their hallway.  But putting a child in time-out hours after an infraction usually doesn’t help in the long run.

]]> https://childpsychmom.com/how-to-make-time-out-work-for-you/feed/ 13 https://childpsychmom.com/does-my-child-have-adhd/ https://childpsychmom.com/does-my-child-have-adhd/#comments Wed, 09 Feb 2011 02:06:56 +0000 http://childpsychmom.com/?p=757 One of my specializations as a child psychologist is the evaluation of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).  As a result, many parents often ask me “Does my child have ADHD?” and “Should they be on medicine?”  For me, those are not quick and easy questions to answer.  Why?  Because before I diagnose any child with ADHD and make recommendations for their treatment, there’s A LOT of information that I need to gather and analyze!

As a parent and a professional, I feel strongly that a thorough evaluation is necessary before making a diagnosis of ADHD (or any disorder) and recommending treatment options.  Think about this analogy.  Imagine your son’s teacher suggests to you that your child might have a vision problem.  Would you go online and take a vision questionnaire and then order a pair of glasses based on the results?  Of course not!  If you’re like me, you would be incredibly appreciative to the teacher for their concern, and then you would make an appointment with an optometrist to have your child’s vision thoroughly evaluated.  IF the results from the testing showed a vision impairment, THEN you would get them glasses from a qualified professional.  Not before!

This same line of thinking applies to ADHD, as well.  If you or your child’s teacher suspects that he or she is having trouble with inattention, hyperactivity, or impulsivity, then a thorough evaluation is necessary to determine the nature of their difficulties before considering medication as a treatment option.  There are many medications that help children with ADHD considerably, but if you’re like me, you probably only want your child to take medication if it is absolutely necessary.

In a my dream world, every child that exhibits symptoms of ADHD would get a thorough evaluation by a licensed child psychologist before being prescribed medication from their physician.  You’d hate to have your child put on medicine for ADHD when a full psychological evaluation might have revealed a Learning Disorder or problems with depression or anxiety.  Or, like many children with ADHD, your child might suffer from multiple conditions which might go undetected without a full assessment.

Unfortunately, there are often factors that get in the way of a child being thoroughly evaluated before receiving treatment.  In my opinion, the most common obstacles are time and money.  A full psychological evaluation can take a lot of time and can be expensive.  Sometimes your health insurance will cover the costs, but sometimes it doesn’t.  So, I’ll concede that there are situations where a full psychological evaluation may not be feasible.

But, back in my dream world where time and money are abundant, here are some things that I like to include when I assess a child for ADHD:

• A thorough interview with both the parent and child (and ideally their teachers).
• A review of the child’s psychological, academic, and medical records, including confirmation of a recent exam by their physician to rule out any medical issues or hearing or vision impairments that could be contributing to their symptoms.
• A mental status examination.
• An intelligence test.
• A test of academic achievement.
• Rating scales about behavioral and emotional problems completed by the child, their parents, and their teachers.
• Rating scales about ADHD symptoms completed by the parents and teachers.
• A continuous performance task.
• Behavioral observations of the child in the clinic and in their school environment.  If a school observation isn’t feasible, then structured clinic observations of the child completing academic work.
• And last but not least, any other test or measure that appears warranted given the child’s specific situation, symptoms, or test results.

If you’re worried that your child may have ADHD, get in contact with your child’s pediatrician for a full physical evaluation (including vision and hearing screenings).  Then locate a child psychologist in your area to obtain a full psychological evaluation for your child.  Some school systems even have psychologists available to assist with the evaluation.  Your child’s psychologist will help select the best assessment for your child and get you on the right track to answering your question, “Does my child have ADHD?”

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