When our kids get older, it becomes harder and harder to connect with them.  But as parents, it’s especially important for us to continue to put in the extra effort it takes to cultivate relationships with our tweens and teens.  Check out my top ten ideas for engaging your teen in activities you’ll both enjoy:

Learn a new skill as a team.  Decide together what you’d like to learn and go for it.  Cooking, photography, music, and art classes are regular offerings in most communities.  Or learn how to kayak, play golf, or tennis.  Really feeling adventurous?  Learn a foreign language together!   

Play a game.  Sure traditional board games are great, but teens are hooked on their electronics and there are lots of fun games that you can enjoy with them.  For instance, play a game of ‘Words With Friends’ on your smart phones.  Start a two player game on a tablet.  Even see what those video games of theirs are all about.  I promise, it will be fun!   

Complete a project.  If you’re like me, then you probably have a lot of projects around your house that need completing!  Whether you wash the cars, paint a room, or work in the yard together, there’s a lot of satisfaction (and bonding) that comes from finishing a project together.  Or pick a DIY Pinterest inspired activity or craft and work with your teen to get it completed.

Share your hobbies.  Think about the things you like to do.  Now share those interests with your kids.  It could be taking them to your painting class, letting them make a scrapbook with you, or bringing them along to set up your fantasy football team. 

Learn about their hobbies too.  Have them play some of their favorite music for you and tell you about why they like it.  Watch a movie they love together.  Then let them tell you about their other interests and see where you can find common ground. 

Have them teach you.  Are you lost when it comes to social media?  When someone asks you to upload or download something do you even know what they are talking about?  Well, guess what?  You teen knows all these things.  Have them give you some tutorials.  You’ll know more and be impressed with how technologically savvy they are!

Plan a trip.  Get your teens help planning your next family vacation or a day trip for just the two of you.  They can get involved with finding a hotel room, getting directions, scheduling activities, and learning about the place you’ll be visiting. 

Schedule a date.  Get their opinion on what they’d like to do and schedule some time together to make it happen.  And don’t worry, your date doesn’t have to cost a lot!  Get creative and look at what’s being offered in your community that you can both enjoy.  Or take your hammocks to the park and just relax.  

Get moving.  A great way to connect with your teen is to exercise together.  You can go for a walk, run, or bike ride or work out together at the gym.  Participating in an organized race will also be an experience you will both enjoy, such as a 5K, color (see picture!) run, or mud run. 

Volunteer.  Last but not least, volunteer your time together.  From mission trips to a morning at the local food pantry, there are ample opportunities for you and your teen to help others.  Look at the options in your community and decide together where you’d like to help.

What do you and your teen like to do together?   For more tips on this topic, check out my post Quality Time With Teens.

With the incidence of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) recently changing from 1 in 88 to 1 in 50 children, it’s likely that all of us know someone impacted by this disorder.  Given that likelihood, what can we do to support children with Autism and their families? I guarantee that if you walk in their shoes for just a little while you’ll have a much greater understanding and appreciation of both the joys and the struggles of Autism.  Here’s how:

First, educate yourself about Autism.  According to the Autism Speaks website, Autism is “characterized, in varying degrees, by difficulties in social interaction, verbal and nonverbal communication and repetitive behaviors.”  Boys are four to five times more likely to be diagnosed with ASD than girls.  Despite difficulties with social interactions and communication, many individuals with Autism “excel in visual skills, music, math and art.”  Websites like AutismSpeaks.org and Autism-Society.org both offer reliable and up to date information about Autism.  Also, NBC’s hit show, Parenthood, features a boy named Max who is diagnosed with Asperger’s Disorder.  This show offers a realistic portrayal of Autism Spectrum Disorders and their day to day impact on families.

Next, take what you’ve learned about Autism and share it with your kids.  There are several great books geared for kids that can help get the conversation started and keep it going.  Two of my favorites are The Autism Acceptance Book and My Friend Has Autism.  All kids need friends, and children with Autism are no exception.  Boys and girls with Autism are especially susceptible to being bullied, so it’s important to teach our kids from an early age how to be a friend to their peers with Autism Spectrum Disorders.   

If your child has a classmate or peer with Autism, arrange a play date or invite the family over.  Find out if there is anything you or your kids can do to make the outing or event as successful as possible.  Children with Autism are more than their diagnosis.  Get to know them, their likes and dislikes, their hobbies and interests, and you’ll be certain to find more things in common than you ever realized. From one parent to another, I encourage you not to let the diagnosis of Autism keep you from reaching out to a child or a family.

And last but not least, get involved!  April is Autism Awareness Month.  In your community there are lots of ways to show your support for children and families living with Autism.  For example, on April 2 you can promote Autism Awareness by wearing blue or displaying a blue light bulb by your front door for Light It Up Blue day hosted by Autism Speaks.  Or, you and your family can participate in one of the many walks supporting Autism happening in April all over the country.  Whatever you decide to do, I’m sure you’ll find that like me, you’ll be the one blessed beyond measure.

Click here for the free e-book Sticks and Stones: Helping Your Child With Autism Spectrum Disorders Cope With Bullying.

If your kids are anything like mine, I’m sure your answer is yes, yes, and yes!  All children behave poorly at one time or another and most do things their parents wish they wouldn’t, mine included.

But despite their misbehavior, it’s critical that as parents we show our children that we love them no matter what.  That ‘no matter what’ kind of love is commonly referred to as ‘unconditional love.’ According to the dictionary, unconditional love is affection that is unlimited and without conditions.  That means no matter how poorly they behave, we still love them!

Why is it important to provide our kids with unconditional love?  For starters, it instills in them confidence and self-worth that will remain with them throughout their lives.  And the security that they get from knowing that their parents love them no matter what they do is priceless.  There are even recent studies that show that love is related to increased brain development in children.

It’s easy enough to agree that showing our children unconditional love is important.  But putting that concept into practice every day can sometimes be hard to do.  Try these five easy tips to show your children that your love for them is without limits:

Tell them you love them.  Your children love to hear you say that you love them.  It’s music to their little ears.  Even if you have a hard time expressing your emotions or saying the words ‘I love you’ make an effort to tell them anyway so that they’ll never have to question how you feel about them.

Give hugs often.  Parents are often a child’s first role model for appropriate physical affection.  Start early giving hugs, kisses, and pats on the back.  These interactions express your love for your children just like saying the words ‘I love you.’

Listen.  When you are having a conversation with your child, be sure that you listen attentively to what they have to say.  If you are distracted by other people or things when talking with your children, you’ll be sending them signals that your love has limits.  And that’s a message you don’t want them to hear.

Spend time together.  From fun activities like going to the park to less appealing chores like cleaning the garage, spending time together increases feelings of affection between family members.

Show love even when they misbehave. It’s pretty easy to express our love and affection when our child is making straight A’s and behaving perfectly.  But that’s not usually going to be the case!  It’s extra important that we tell our children that we love them when they have done something wrong.  Don’t get me wrong, they’ll still get put in time-out for throwing food at the dinner table, but sometime during that same night they’ll also get a good hug and an “I love you.”  It’s a lot harder to do this when they’re in trouble, but that’s when it’s most important to show them the true meaning of unconditional love.

Facebook is the most utilized social networking site world wide with more than 845 million users. The magic age for kids to be considered Facebook legal is 13. But of Facebook’s current users, an estimated 7.5 million are actually under the age of 13. Now more than ever parents need to arm themselves with information about how to keep their children safe on social media sites like Facebook that were designed for adults but are being used by kids. If your child (of any age) has a Facebook account, here are some tips to help keep them as safe as possible:

Talk openly about internet safety rules. Keeping the lines of communication open is one of the best ways parents can teach their children about staying safe online. Some basic guidelines include never giving your personal information online, never meeting someone in real life that you know only from the internet, and always telling your parents if something you have seen online makes you uncomfortable.

Know your child’s Facebook password. I know some of you might argue that this is like making your child give you the key to their diary. But their diary is hidden away in their bedroom. It is personal and only for them to read. What they say or do online can have a lasting impact on their reputation and their safety. Something they post or a picture they are tagged in could haunt them for the rest of their lives. It’s that simple. Let them keep the key to their diary, but if they’re on Facebook then as a parent you need to know their password.

Be their Facebook friend. Okay, so you’re their parent not their friend. I understand. But as a parent you need to know what’s going on in their lives. You need to monitor their online activity in the same way you’d keep an eye on what they do in real life. There’s no better way to do that than to be their friend on Facebook. You don’t need to comment on their status updates or pictures if they don’t want you to, but you can quietly observe their activities from your Facebook profile to help keep them safe.

Monitor their friend list. Instruct your kids that they are only allowed to be friends with people they actually know in real life. Then periodically monitor their friend list and make sure they haven’t befriended a total stranger.

Manage their privacy settings carefully. The goal of Facebook is to help people connect. To do that, Facebook prefers users to be as open as possible to make sharing easier. But kids need to be much more restrictive in their sharing than adults. To restrict their settings, log in as your child and go to Privacy Settings and then How You Connect. Choose options like “Friends Only” or “Friends of Friends” to minimize their exposure to complete strangers.

Facebook safety for kids (and parents) can be overwhelming. Believe me, I know! But parents today have to be diligent about it. Our kids are there, we’ve got to be, too.

Studies have shown that approximately 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused by the time they are eighteen.  And sadly, the abuser is known and trusted by the child and their family in 90% of the cases.

While these statistics are sobering, as a parent you can use these facts to help protect your child from being a victim of sexual abuse.  Here’s how:

1.  From a young age, teach your children about the parts of their body that are “private.”  Use language that is appropriate for their developmental level, but try to get the message across that no one should touch them in their private parts.  Children should also be taught early that they should not show their private parts to others or touch anyone else’s private parts.

2.  Help your children understand the difference between good secrets and bad secrets.  Good secrets are usually short-term and fun.  For example, not telling someone about the present you bought them is a good secret.  It’s happy and exciting, but it’s not a secret that has to be kept forever.  Bad secrets can make you feel upset, scared, or confused.  They may be never ending, like “you can never tell.”  Unlike good secrets, bad secrets shouldn’t be kept by children.

3.  The theory that there is safety in numbers is especially true in the prevention of child sexual abuse.  Try to reduce situations when a child is one-on-one with another adult.  Encourage instead group activities or situations where there will be more than one adult or child present.   When one-on-one situations do occur, schedule outings that are in public or drop in unexpectedly.  Since 80% of child sexual abuse occurs in one-on-one situations, reducing those opportunities will greatly reduce a child’s risk of being victimized.

4.  Although it can feel like an uncomfortable topic, start talking to your children at an early age about sexual abuse.  Let them know that it is important for them to tell you or another trusted adult if someone ever touches them inappropriately or behaves in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable.  Encourage your kids that if something feels wrong that it’s always okay for them to say no and tell their parents, even if the person making them uncomfortable is someone they know.  Don’t forget to assure them that they will not get in trouble for telling no matter what.  This is a tough one for kids, since we usually teach them just the opposite – not to be a tattle tale!

5.  And last but not least, if your child comes to you and tells you that they have been abused, then you need to tell them that you believe them, praise them for having the courage to tell you about it, and provide them your unconditional love and support.  Immediately make sure that your child is not in danger and has no further contact with the alleged abuser.  Then contact the police and/or the Department of Human Resources to file a report and begin an investigation.

If you suspect abuse or have questions, call the National Child Abuse Hotline, ChildHelp, at 1-800-4-A-CHILD for guidance 24 hours a day.  Child psychologists and child advocacy centers in your area can also provide needed assistance and therapy services.  Together we can work to protect our children from child sexual abuse, when the issue is in the headlines and especially when it’s not.

Prepare the older sibling.  There are lots of great children’s books out there about preparing for a new baby.  Purchase some during your pregnancy and start reading them with your child regularly.  They cover issues that older siblings will face when a new baby arrives, like having to share their parents with the baby or having to listen to the new baby cry (a lot!).  Books are a great way to introduce these concerns with your child in a format they understand.  Sibling preparation classes can also provide valuable information on what it will be like to have a new baby in the house.  Or find a friend or relative who has a new baby and spend some time with them to give your child an insider’s look at what it’s like to be around a new baby.

Don’t blame the baby.  When a baby is on the way, there are always going to be changes that need to be made.  Sometimes the older sibling will need to move out of their crib to make room for the new baby, or they might even have to change rooms altogether.  When changes have to be made, try to present them in a way that doesn’t cast blame on the baby.  For our example, instead of telling your child that they have to give up their crib because the baby needs it, talk to them about what a big kid they must be to have a new big bed all their own!

Gifts for the baby.  Everyone loves bringing gifts to the new baby, but this can spark understandable feelings of jealousy in older siblings.  Let your child know ahead of time that the baby will be getting lots of gifts, sort of like a birthday celebration for the actual day of their birth.  Most of the gifts will be necessities, like clothing, blankets, diapers, and baby gear, but sometimes there will be toys and things to play with too.  Get your child involved by letting them help you unwrap the gifts and get the gifts ready for the baby to use.  There will also be a few big brother or big sister gifts along the way that your older child will love receiving.

Make time for the older sibling.  Last but certainly not least, spend some quality time with your older child after the baby is born.  It can be as simple as reading together or playing a board game while the baby is sleeping, just make it a priority to give the big brother or big sister the one on one attention that they crave.  Moms and dads might have to take turns and grandparents can help out too so that the baby is taken care of, but in the end this special time with your older child will be worth the effort.  They’ll quickly learn what you already know, that you do have enough love to share with each and every one of your children.

It’s that time of year again. Time to jump right into the excitement and wonder of the holiday season. We decorate. We shop. We worship. We travel. We gather. We eat. We celebrate. We stress. Wait a minute, did I just say stress? I certainly did!

In addition to increased feelings of happiness, love, and connection, the holidays also bring about a significant rise in our stress level. According to a recent survey conducted by the American Psychological Association, the top three holiday stressors for adults include worry about not having time to get everything done, concern about money, and discouragement about commercialism.

Not surprisingly, women are more likely to feel overwhelmed and stressed by the holidays than men. This is due in part to the fact that women are more often the ones who take on extra duties during the holidays, like meal preparation, shopping for gifts, and party planning. And women, when compared to men, are less likely to take the time to relax when they’re worn out.

That being said, holiday stress doesn’t have to leave busy moms and dads feeling frazzled. Try a few of these stress busters and you’ll find yourself more relaxed and stress-free this holiday season:

Get organized. Print a December calendar and pencil in what you need to do and when. Include parties, programs, worship services, and travel dates, but also schedule time for shopping, decorating, cooking, cleaning, and relaxing.

Budget. Make a list of who you need to buy presents for and how much money you have to spend on gifts. Try to do your shopping a little at a time so that you don’t spend more than you intended on last minute gifts and impulse buys.

Keep expectations realistic. When we set unattainable goals for our holidays, we are sure to be disappointed. For example, don’t expect that your toddler will be a happy camper at an adult holiday dinner after an all day car ride! I know mine wouldn’t be!

Prepare your kids. As important as it is for parents, it’s just as critical for children not to have unrealistic expectations, especially when it comes to receiving gifts. If your child has been asking for one particular toy all year, but you know that they are not going to get it, then you can help decrease your stress and theirs by spending some time developing a more attainable wish list.

Know when to say when. Limit the number of events that you participate in during the holiday season to ones that mean the most to you and your family. You’ll certainly be exhausted and stressed if your social calendar is packed with too much to do. By being cautious about how you schedule your time and not overbooking yourself or your children, you’ll have more time for relaxing this holiday season with your family and less time for stressing out with them!

Enlist help. Maybe you need to hire a babysitter so that you can finish your holiday shopping or could use the help of a friend to wrap those last few presents. When you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by the stress of the holiday season, don’t be afraid to ask for help. If the pressure of the holidays is just too much, ask for support from family, friends, your spiritual leader, your doctor, or a psychologist.

Taking steps towards managing stress will allow you and your family to enjoy a calmer and more relaxed holiday…exactly what we all need so we can focus our attention on the true meaning of the season.

For starters, choose accommodations that are kid friendly. Staying at a hotel that caters primarily to adults will likely get a thumbs down from your kids. Try finding a hotel with an indoor pool, kid oriented activities, or even family suite rooms. Don’t forget to book a room (or two) that has enough space for you and your kids. Close quarters can lead to unhappy campers!

Pick a travel destination that appeals to all ages, kids and grown-ups alike. Before you leave home, spend some time researching what types of kid friendly activities are available that might appeal to your children. Remember that fun outings can also be educational. Check out the local zoo, museum, or park for low cost learning experiences that your kids will be sure to enjoy.

Set a budget before you leave home and do your best to stick to it. Personal finances are one of the leading causes of stress for families. Don’t let worry over money keep you from enjoying your travels. Decide how much money you have available for your trip and plan accordingly. If you don’t have the extra money for a hotel or flight, visit and stay with friends or relatives within driving distance.

If traveling by car, make sure to make frequent stops for your little travelers to stretch their legs, use the restroom, and get some fresh air. Keep fun activities and favorite snacks handy to help keep your kids entertained on long road trips. Pass the time with travel games, like searching for state license plates or playing “I Spy”. Handheld electronic games and portable DVD players for kids can also make time fly in the car.

Travel by plane can be exciting and faster than by car, but you’ll need to be sure to pack on board activities that will keep your child happy, engaged, and ideally quiet for the length of the flight. Pack a carry on bag with gum, books, and electronics (with earphones). Don’t forget that most airlines have a baggage limit, so bring only the essentials when flying.

Last but certainly not least, don’t set unrealistic expectations for your children (or yourself) when traveling. If you expect that your child will be on his best behavior immediately following a long car ride or flight, you’ll be sorely disappointed. Instead, try to keep your kids on a flexible but consistent schedule when traveling and set your expectations accordingly. Allowing time for naps, breaks, and snacks during busy trips will surely help keep you and your child happy and stress-free.

This article was featured in a prior issue of Auburn-Opelika Parents magazine.

One of the quickest ways to reduce stress is to learn how and when to say no.  If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s time to sit back and evaluate. What activities are taking up the most of your time? Cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping are usually chores that must get done, but surfing the internet and watching television might be more of a waste of your valuable time.  And with all of the amazing activities available to our children in today’s society, it’s incredibly easy to over commit our kids, increasing the stress level of the entire family. Consider how you might re-prioritize your activities (and those of your kids), and you’ll be one step closer to a more peaceful and stress-free life.

Next, try to schedule some time each day to do something that’s all about you! Whether it’s reading your favorite book, pursuing a hobby, or just sitting on your porch sipping coffee, busy parents need time to unwind. It doesn’t have to be something that costs a lot of money or takes up all of your time, but it’s so important to make time for yourself a priority in your life.

In addition to making time for yourself, it’s equally important to make time for your spouse. If you have a partner in parenting then that relationship needs to be nurtured. Get a babysitter and schedule a date night, spend some time together at the beginning and end of each day talking, or invite the grandparents to babysit the kids overnight and get out of town. Whatever you can do to improve your parenting partnership will undoubtedly benefit your whole family in the long run.

Another sure fire way to reduce stress is to develop a strong social support system amongst your friends, extended family, co-workers, neighbors, and faith community.  From learning about parenting techniques to sharing the highs and lows of life, having a social support system helps parents minimize their stress level.

Finally, incorporate exercise into your daily routine and you’ll find yourself feeling more relaxed almost immediately. Take a walk around the block, go to a class at your local gym, or pop in a fitness DVD to work out at home.  Just get moving.  Not only will you become more physically fit, but you’ll benefit from the stress relief exercise is well known to provide.

I’d be lying if I said my life was stress-free. It’s far from it.  But, I can assure you that when I make an effort to reduce my stress, I am always a more relaxed and happier parent as a result.  Give it a try.  I bet it will work for you too.

This article is featured in the August 2011 issue of Auburn-Opelika Parents magazine.

In the days and weeks following childbirth, women are especially prone to the baby blues.  The baby blues usually subside in about a month, but can include symptoms like tearfulness, difficulty sleeping, irritability, anxiety, and feeling overwhelmed by your increased responsibilities.  With the baby blues, you will probably continue to feel joy and happiness about the birth of your child, but feelings of sadness creep in as well, sometimes when you are least prepared for it.

For the majority of women, the baby blues will go away on their own after a few weeks.  However, for about 10-20% of women these symptoms will develop into something more serious, postpartum depression.  Unlike the baby blues, the symptoms of postpartum depression are more severe and longer lasting and may interfere with your ability to take care of your new baby.  Without help, mothers can be left feeling depressed, down, and hopeless for months after the birth of their child.  A small percentage of women with postpartum depression may even experience thoughts of harming themselves or their baby.

If you’re a new mom struggling with feelings of depression, there are number of things you can do to help yourself begin to feel better.  First, try to spend some time with other adults who care about you.  Talk with your spouse, friends, and family about how they can help you with the baby and don’t be afraid to tell them about your feelings. They are more common than you realize. Next, make sure to get as much rest as possible.  That sounds pretty impossible with a newborn baby, but try to nap during the day when your baby does so that you can make up for those guaranteed sleepless nights.

Just as you make a routine out of bathing, dressing, and feeding your baby, make sure that you give yourself a normal routine of showering, getting dressed, and eating at regular intervals.  Often new moms put their own needs aside for their baby, but it’s equally important for moms to take care of themselves! Getting out of the house with your baby is also a good way to improve your mood.  You can go for a walk, visit a friend, or even venture out to the store for a much needed change of scenery.

Last but not least, talk to your doctor about your symptoms of depression.  Your obstetrician is always available to answer your questions and talk with you about treatment options.  There are medications that your doctor can prescribe to treat postpartum depression, many of which are approved for use while breastfeeding.  In addition, individual therapy provided by a licensed psychologist or licensed professional counselor is an effective treatment for postpartum depression, especially when combined with medication.

This article was featured in a prior issue of Auburn-Opelika Parents magazine.